Sunday, February 21, 2016

letter to the healer

hurt on their faces, hurt flickering in their eyes
hurt that shoots from one heart to another
and shatters every bit of a soul
who will they go to?
to whom will I run?
to you, you with arms wide and the biggest heart of all
you who knows love is a choice and gave that to me
but still gave up what you loved most to give us another chance
a piece of hope
a scrawny baby in a manger, because no one wanted what you loved most

home in this place will never last long
only long enough to catch a breath and have it all shattered again
family and friends will leave
what hurts more: when they have no choice and they pass away, or when they choose to leave me?
i may never know
feelings will come and go
thoughts will be thought upon over and over, but still falter
people will fight, slaughter, rape, steal and lie to people just like them
and hurt will press on
so i press into you

because only you heal
only you can take a country that is ripped in half
or a heart that is broken into shatters
then make it beautiful
beauty out of a breakup, beauty out of scars
beauty out of loneliness, beauty out of rejection
beauty out of throbbing pain, beauty out of suicide

a lack of a mother's love or someone to hold
gives you all the more power to love her
makes your arms wrap tighter around me
thank you for not hurting me
for being my constant, my hope
for no matter where i go you will always be my home
you will never stop loving and you will never give up
oh you are more beautiful than all this beauty you create
i'm falling into your touch, into your healing
falling more in love with you every day

Thursday, February 4, 2016

nineteen and a pixiecut

I'm nineteen today and I cut off all my hair two days ago. I think people assume either something tragic happened or I have some new resolution that made me cut my hair. I would include a photo but I can't seem to be able to upload a smaller photo of it and I don't think anyone wants to see a huge photo of my face filling up the whole blog (it might be scary). So here's a photo of my friend Natalie when it snowed and everything was pretty.

I decided to go to downtown Nashville today. There's something wonderful about cities (especially when they have good coffee and good country music). After getting up early and touring the Johnny Cash museum, I've now been writing in a coffeeshop for a few hours. Oh you know . . . drinking a latte, ignoring my phone and thinking about the meaning of life -- typical Kendra style. 

But I was studying in Romans and seeing how short, how fleeting our lives are. They must be meant for something more. I have doubts about who I am and what I do; I beat down on myself. It's selfish. A person who believes that they are weak and can never do anything worthwhile is not someone who is going to be good at what they do. They aren't someone who is going to love people recklessly. Instead of beating down and being hard on ourselves, let's realize that yes, we are weak but we have a strong Savior. His saving keeps us from being fragile and gives us courage. Courage to love, courage to start over, courage to try again, courage to hope in something big. 

What am I afraid of? I have one life; you have one life. Let's live it with courage.