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Wednesday, January 7, 2015

brokenness aside


I overthink almost everything. While overthinking can be a very useful tool, there does come a point that overthinking can be . . . well, too much. And extremely overwhelming for my brain. Sometimes my brain hurts because I think too much. Here's another interesting thing about my brain -- half the time while I'm thinking about some deep concept I miss the main point that everyone else seems to easily understand. It's pathetic.

I also tend to feel other people's pain and while a lot of people would say that it's good to be a "compassionate person", feeling other people's pain can be quite exhausting, too. Especially when it seems like half the people you're close to are going through something rough. When you put overthinking and empathizing together the results aren't always the best. Of course I always bring everything to extremes so I'm probably making this sound a lot worse than it really is.

The thing is, lately I've been overthinking everything and overcomplicating everything and empathizing with everyone and trying to make everything perfect and help everyone and figure out everything for myself and sometimes . . . sometimes I feel like I'm going to explode and that I'll never be able to help anyone or do anything worth it. It all goes downhill from there (the run-on sentence was awful too, sorry). I feel worthless and purposeless, when in reality I do have a purpose. I am worthy.

So it's ok. I don't have to beat myself up because life isn't perfect. Because, honestly, life is really hard. It's rough and sometimes you have to go have a good cry; it's scary and sometimes you don't know what decision to choose; it hurts and sometimes there's so much pain that doesn't stop aching. The beauty of it is that, in the midst of the chaos, I can run to Jesus. He's here. I don't really know why I forget it or why I let that fact slip away from me, slowly, softly -- then all at once I forget it completely.

Jesus is here and He's here for good; He's not leaving. I don't have to try to make all the hurt go away, all I can do is fully run to Him with my arms wide and my heart empty. It's ok, He makes things broken things whole and ugly things beautiful.



listening to . . .

2 comments:

  1. I'm sorry...I know how hard it can be to watch those you love experience pain and hardship.
    And even harder to keep on believing that God is good, and he has the power to turn even the worst situations into something beautiful.

    Thanks for encouraging me.

    -Jana

    ReplyDelete
  2. It gets easier. You get used to the flow of life.

    ReplyDelete

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