Thursday, January 29, 2015

eighteen in six days

this is just me being awkward with my nerdy headphones while the kids in the room next to me watch frozen. (I'm not even going to say anything else about frozen.)

lately I've been learning not to be so hard on myself and honestly, I've been really happy. I'm realizing more and more that I'm not a person who works well with a strict schedule or trying to force myself to do things in a certain way at a certain time. I've felt more myself and I also feel like I can put more of myself into whatever it is I'm doing. probably because I'm not trying to do a thousand things at the same time and freaking out when I mess things up.

oh, and I realized my birthday is in six days and I'm going to be an adult. it doesn't really feel like a huge deal. growing up is something that sort of sneaks up on you and then you realize you were grown up all along and that growing up doesn't make you any less you.

now excuse me while I go tell the kids in the other room to quiet down. after that I may or may not be going to drive to work with the music really loud.

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

more photographs & thoughts

There's really a lot of good in this world when you step back to look at it. This past week has been another busy one and full of life: good, joyful life. I want to stop looking to the next thing and be here.

Sunday, January 11, 2015

life lately

I don't really know how life can be so hectic and yet so amazing all at once, but it is. This month I started the photo-a-day project again . . . here's some pics. 

Wednesday, January 7, 2015

brokenness aside

I overthink almost everything. While overthinking can be a very useful tool, there does come a point that overthinking can be . . . well, too much. And extremely overwhelming for my brain. Sometimes my brain hurts because I think too much. Here's another interesting thing about my brain -- half the time while I'm thinking about some deep concept I miss the main point that everyone else seems to easily understand. It's pathetic.

I also tend to feel other people's pain and while a lot of people would say that it's good to be a "compassionate person", feeling other people's pain can be quite exhausting, too. Especially when it seems like half the people you're close to are going through something rough. When you put overthinking and empathizing together the results aren't always the best. Of course I always bring everything to extremes so I'm probably making this sound a lot worse than it really is.

The thing is, lately I've been overthinking everything and overcomplicating everything and empathizing with everyone and trying to make everything perfect and help everyone and figure out everything for myself and sometimes . . . sometimes I feel like I'm going to explode and that I'll never be able to help anyone or do anything worth it. It all goes downhill from there (the run-on sentence was awful too, sorry). I feel worthless and purposeless, when in reality I do have a purpose. I am worthy.

So it's ok. I don't have to beat myself up because life isn't perfect. Because, honestly, life is really hard. It's rough and sometimes you have to go have a good cry; it's scary and sometimes you don't know what decision to choose; it hurts and sometimes there's so much pain that doesn't stop aching. The beauty of it is that, in the midst of the chaos, I can run to Jesus. He's here. I don't really know why I forget it or why I let that fact slip away from me, slowly, softly -- then all at once I forget it completely.

Jesus is here and He's here for good; He's not leaving. I don't have to try to make all the hurt go away, all I can do is fully run to Him with my arms wide and my heart empty. It's ok, He makes things broken things whole and ugly things beautiful.

listening to . . .