Wednesday, April 15, 2015

full life

I guess it's been awhile since you've blogged when you realize that half the photos you added in the post were ones you've used before . . . and the all the blogs that you follow have so many new posts it would take days to read them all.

Life lately has been full: full of fresh understanding, of discoveries, of trials (or as a friends says, "opportunities for integrity", of constant change, of music, of good cries, of winter welcoming spring, of photographs and of wonderful people to share all the fulness with. Sometimes it seems too much and maybe that's because I overthink while being emotional at the same time. but ya know, it's okay to take things one day at a time and most of the time that's all we can do.

Thursday, March 26, 2015

leaving? no thank you.

I’m the kind of girl who likes to go places and see new things, but I’m also the kind of girl who gets attached and somehow carries a piece of every place inside her. It can be exhausting, having your heart in a hundred different places and now I’m sure Colorado has an even bigger piece. Not sure if it’s all that practical (pshh, who cares about practicality anyway), but the mountains make something inside you come alive that you didn’t even know was there before. And for those of you who think Kentucky has mountains: no, we do not have mountains, we have hills. (Yes, they are beautiful bluegrass hills but they are not mountains.) Kentucky will still have the biggest part of me, though there are places that have almost as much of me and not even half the amount of time spent there. 

Okay, I need to stop talking about pieces of my heart and all the countless places its in before things get confusing. For now just look at how pretty everything is in Colorado. The sunsets here are the best, I swear. Tomorrow we leave (Kansas, bleehh) but I think I’m ready to come back to regular life. Maybe. 

If ya want, in the comment section below, name some places you’ve left your heart in. I’d love to hear! 

Sunday, March 22, 2015

road trip

(written two days ago) 

Took off on a two week road trip five days ago with some cool people (my brother Max and my grandparents). There’s so many wonderful things to see that I don’t know how to take it all in — it’s a good kind of thing. So far we’ve been to canyons, seen mountains bigger than I’ve ever seen before and I think I’m gonna end up leaving my heart in a million places. Also, I think my roaming heart is learning (slowly, but still learning) to trust and I haven’t been overthinking to the sleepless point. That’s good. 

Outside this window there are mountains and frost-clothed pine trees covering them. Fog hovers over the very tips of the mountains. It’s wonderful; that’s all I can say.

cue the random pictures. 

Saturday, March 14, 2015

 Sometimes I don't know where to start and other times I wonder how it all began. Right now I'm wondering how I got so off track, how I messed up so much. Not like being mad at myself for messing up helps and yet I still do it anyway.

I never want to bother anyone else or let them worry about me and I would certainly never, ever want to hurt them. And yet there comes a point where I'm fine (even though I know I'm not) and I can play the whole "I'm fine" game, then all of a sudden everything cascades and explodes and I can't keep it in anymore. I guess it would be better to just let feelings out slowly, but they either don't come or they come all at once. (I'm probably just making things seem ten times more dramatic than they really are.)

But the thing is lately I haven't really been okay and I haven't wanted to even realize that myself. Now here I am posting it on the internet for the world to see, but maybe it'll help someone else to know they're not alone. I've been thinking about a lot of things going on and probably thinking too much, not that thinking in itself is bad.

I haven't been okay and I haven't been okay because I haven't wanted to trust God or trust him with everything. Ya know, he's still there and I still know that, but I've been holding back. I'm afraid. I'm scared. I'm freaked out. I don't really know why . . . I guess because maybe things are changing and I hate change yet love it at the same time. Change hurts and makes my heart ache while flipping everything upside-down. I've been through it before, again and again. I should be used to it; I'm not.

I need to run back to Jesus, fully with arms open even if my heart is hollow and even if I feel worthless. I need to stop trying to make everything better myself and let him make it better. I need to seek him, seek him with every part of my soul and I haven't. And I feel desperately empty, but I know who makes me full.

"Then you will seek Me, inquire for, and require Me [as a vital necessity] and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart." JEREMIAH 29:13

Monday, March 9, 2015

of snow & the small things

I’m surprised all my guitar playing talented friends haven’t gotten sick of me taking pictures (or maybe they just haven’t said anything about it yet). Anyway, maybe their musical talent is rubbing off on me since I’ve finally (sorta) mastered the Fmajor chord. 

We had a lot of snow and by a lot, I mean 16 inches. That’s a lot for Kentucky. It threw school back and the roads were bad, but it was gorgeous and made things more exciting. Exciting snow surprises are the best, though when my boots were full of snow I might’ve not been thinking that. 

I’m rambling here; rambling about small things. But small things are what can make someone’s day better and you have to start with the small things before the big ones. Oh and yeah, sometimes doing the small things seems harder because for some reason we’ve gotten it into our heads that small things aren’t as important. They are. 

I’ll stop rambling about the weather and small things. But if ya want, comment below with a small thing you can do to make someone else’s day better. If not, just enjoy the melting slush of snow that’s left. 

Wednesday, February 25, 2015

7 ways to be productive

(the fact that this post has been in my drafts for months now is a little ironic but we can move past that, right?)

I wrote this especially for us people who are in charge of their own work (there's no boss or teacher hanging over your shoulder making you get things done) but really, it can apply to anyone. In all honesty: it's up to you to do what you need to do.

so here's my tips and I hope they help. and I never write these kinds of posts so when I say I hope it helps, I really am hoping.

I. wake up at a reasonable time
I know not everyone is a morning person and if staying up late is your style, then do it. But don't sleep the day away. There's something about starting a new day with a fresh morning.

II. start your day right. 
This might sound similar to the above, but it's not the same thing. You can wake up as early as you like and still start the day wrong. I know some mornings I just throw on some clothes and head out the door, but it's good to take it slow. Have a cup of coffee or tea, read or journal, listen to a good song, or just sit and think about your day before it starts. Setting out what you're going to wear the night before is helpful if you're getting dressed in the dark or if you never can decide what you want to wear.

III. plan your day. 
This varies from person-to-person, like a lot of these tips do. Some people like to have every hour of their day planned and others don't like to have anything planned at all. And while planning every hour of my day would drive me crazy, I know that I'm not that productive if I don't have anything planned out at all. I usually will write out a list of the things that I want to accomplish the night before. They could be things like "go for a run" or "start on this project" or "edit my book". Then if I have things that I absolutely have to do, I'll write that down and the time it has to be done. I'm terrible with time so writing things down helps me.

IV. just do it.
Yeah, I'm stealing Nike's line, but this is true. Get off your butt and do whatever you need to do. I remember when I was still studying all the time and I would do the thing I hated first: math. Whatever you hate the most, do that first. If you save it until later I can promise you that the chances of you doing it then are much less. Then the rest of the day goes much better.

IIV. don't be too hard on yourself.
While I'm not exactly a workaholic (or I'm not the kind of person who enjoys working herself to death), I can be very hard on myself and that isn't helpful or productive. So yes, just do the work or school you're supposed to, but also give yourself a break. Don't just work the whole day straight or else you'll burn yourself out. and reward yourself for when you "just do it" and get stuff done.

V. learn how ya work. 
Maybe you work best with every hour of your day planned out, but if you're the opposite that's okay, too. Maybe you learn best in a silent library or maybe in the hustle and bustle of the local coffeeshop. Or maybe you can stay focused with music or maybe music distracts you. Whatever it is, learn and experiment until you find your groove.

VI. make sure to eat. and take care of yourself. 
I'm either thinking about food every second or I get caught up in something and forget to eat completely. whatever happens, make sure to eat. Also, don't forget to get moving. I used to hear people say that you need to workout everyday and while I think that's great, one of my jobs is pretty exhausting since I'm on my feet the whole time. Coming home and working out is the last thing I wanna do. But then if I have a day where I'm sitting down editing pictures or writing, I make sure to go for a walk or do something that gets my blood pumping.

Those are my tips . . . what helps you? tell in the comment section below!

Saturday, February 21, 2015

cold days

The weather has been frigid here and though the colors are dull, life in itself is never dull. There's always something going on. I've been working at the coffeeshop a lot and maybe I should post about that sometime. After all, I'm there almost everyday and have been since over a year now.

Sitting here in the coffeeshop, I'm staring at the antique buildings across the street and the sleet pouring down from the sky. Snow is piled high on the sidewalks and it's not so white anymore. The trees look bare and naked; ice clinging to the thin branches. It's dreary and a bit dull, but always changing. I don't think I'll ever get used to the change of life . . . it's always there but I never see it coming and it surprises me every time.

Life is full of surprises, of joys and aches, of fears and doubts -- constantly changing. It's crazy and it makes my head spin sometimes, but I still like it.

Friday, February 13, 2015

writer's block

Writer's block has been hard on me and in the past twelve days I haven't written anything on my book and not much here, either. Life has been good, though, I just haven't felt the need to share it here. I do want to write, though and yet every time I sit down to, the words don't come. I can feel them at the tip of my fingers though, like words about to slip off from the tip of my tongue so I know they'll come at some point. Things are weird like that.

Time has been weird, too. I used to never care what time it was and now, suddenly, it's something I must care about. You have to be places at certain times -- that's just how life works. Not sure if I'm used to it yet, but I suppose that's another part of growing up.

Speaking of time, it's time for me to shut this down and go be a barista for a little while.

Saturday, February 7, 2015

stop & smell the roses

what is this life if, full of care,
we have no time to stand and stare.

no time to stand beneath the boughs
and stare as long as sheep or cows.

no time to see, when woods we pass,
where squirrels hide their nuts in grass.

no time to see, in broad daylight, 
streams full of stars like skies at night.

no time to turn at beauty's glance,
and watch her feet, how they dance.

no time to wait till her mouth can 
enrich that smile her eyes began.

a poor life this is, full of care,
we have no time to stand and stare.

by W. H. Davies

Thursday, January 29, 2015

eighteen in six days

this is just me being awkward with my nerdy headphones while the kids in the room next to me watch frozen. (I'm not even going to say anything else about frozen.)

lately I've been learning not to be so hard on myself and honestly, I've been really happy. I'm realizing more and more that I'm not a person who works well with a strict schedule or trying to force myself to do things in a certain way at a certain time. I've felt more myself and I also feel like I can put more of myself into whatever it is I'm doing. probably because I'm not trying to do a thousand things at the same time and freaking out when I mess things up.

oh, and I realized my birthday is in six days and I'm going to be an adult. it doesn't really feel like a huge deal. growing up is something that sort of sneaks up on you and then you realize you were grown up all along and that growing up doesn't make you any less you.

now excuse me while I go tell the kids in the other room to quiet down. after that I may or may not be going to drive to work with the music really loud.

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

more photographs & thoughts

There's really a lot of good in this world when you step back to look at it. This past week has been another busy one and full of life: good, joyful life. I want to stop looking to the next thing and be here.

Sunday, January 11, 2015

life lately

I don't really know how life can be so hectic and yet so amazing all at once, but it is. This month I started the photo-a-day project again . . . here's some pics.