Sunday, August 24, 2014

let them in

I've done a lot of moving from place to place in my seventeen years. It's been good for me. I've gotten to meet countless diverse people and see different places. Because of all this, the love for travel and exploring is instilled in me. I can't escape it. (Thank my parents.)

I always thought I was honest with people (honesty can get you into trouble sometimes) and didn't hold back much. Maybe I don't.

But last night I realized that I've been in this town for two years. That's not counting the half year I spent away, and it might sound crazy, but two years is a really long time for us to be in one place. It's long enough to really know people, not just meet them. It's long enough to find out that those people are human and mess up too. It's long enough to see that people can love each other despite all the mess we make.

Last night I realized before I was holding back. Sure, I made friends as a kid and we had fun. I was open about my life, about what was going on. But part of me still held back. I knew we could pack up and leave anytime. I knew that if I made close friends they could become faraway friends. It scared me. Leaving people you love hurts and hurt scares me.

I realize now that I've let my guard down. I didn't know I let it down and I didn't know I even had a guard to put up. But I guess I did. I haven't just been honest and let people in, but I've started to care about people, really care.

With life, people can be taken from you in a split moment and be gone forever. When that happens, it hurts. It burns, aches, and throbs. But I'm learning that if we don't give all we've got now, when will we? Wouldn't I rather live a life full of pain and joy than a life of enduring dullness?

I do want to be genuine and not hide behind guarded walls. I don't want to just not hide, I want to let people in.


  1. DUDE. last night I totally had the same realization. I have been hurt in so many different ways by people and I didn't realize it, but I started building up walls, and avoiding real conversations because I was afraid of being hurt again. I was just telling a friend this morning, "I'm starting to think I've missed my calling to be a emotional-wall-builder or something because that seems like the first thing I start doing when I feel vulnerable." :P
    This totally resonated with my heart, so thanks for sharing it. (also the yellows in that photo are perf.)

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