Friday, October 4, 2013

breaking down

Every day here in Chad my pride and dignity gets lower and lower. I'm not sure which breaks me down most -- totally and awkwardly messing up words when speaking to Chadians, the fact that my bathroom for the past three months has been a hole in the ground, or that I have meltdowns because I miss my mom. (I'm pretty sure the bathroom situation is my least favorite out of the three.) 

I'm starting to care less and less about what other people think and care more about what God thinks. I'm starting to care less about about how great (or not-so-great) people think I am and care more about others as people that God's made for me to love. The Holy Spirit gets all the credit for this new mindset -- before I start giving myself credit for something I shouldn't give myself credit for. 

Life is too short for me to do things just to please other people. People's opinions of me are going to change and people themselves aren't going to last forever. God stands permanently. His thoughts are everlasting. Isn't what He thinks of me ever so much more important than what others, mere humans, think of me? 

Once I stop caring what people think of me and strive to love them instead, people start to actually like me more than they did when I cared about what they thought. Ironically by that time I've already developed a more Christ-like mindset and I don't even want people to praise me -- I want them to praise God. Because He is the only one who really matters. 


  1. Yes! These are my thoughts exactly! I agree with you 100%. It is so much more rewarding to forget what people think (or could think) and just to focus on what God thinks. It's easier to serve and to love, and it's more refreshing than walking around in a black-hole of fearful reputations.

  2. it's such a great point to get to...focusing more on God than the people around us. i used to struggle with my image and my self esteem a lot when i was younger, and i had to come to that place where i was just like--you know what, these people don't matter anywhere near as much as God does. and it really is freeing, reaching that place. and it is easier, you're right. you can go on, pointing people to christ more effectively, living for him instead of the people who surround you. and it's beautiful.

  3. I have always loved reading your blog and that has never stopped. I find your posts so encouraging, heartfelt and genuine. You have a love and desire to serve Jesus that exudes through in everything you say. xo in christ!

  4. I can relate to this in some ways, and in other ways I can't. I left my family to go on an Outward Bound course (mine was backpacking and white water canoeing) for two weeks. I felt like the teenagers around me were speaking a foreign language, I had to use a hole in the ground, and I missed my Mom too. Unfortunately, I didn't reach the learn the same lessons you seem to be learning.

    Thank you for writing this. I tend to forget that God is the most important and I should want his approval, not everyone else's.

    (BTW, I know you don't know me, but I know Sam and Max. My brothers are on the cross country team with them and I'm hoping to run next year!)


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