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Thursday, August 8, 2013

tired

I have to be honest with you all. And myself. 

There are days when I feel like I can't do it anymore. Days like today, and last night. I've been really good with clinging to Jesus, with learning to be thankful all the time. I've seen the truth, or as some people call it, looked on the bright side of things. 

But sometimes I get tired of doing what's right. Every single little thing a person does annoys me to death. I get tired of doing the dishes or picking up things or answering the billionth question that one of the Broten kids has for me. While although yes, I still do the dishes, I grumble and complain instead. I choose lies, and I reject joy. 

I don't want to wear the stupid scarf over my head when I step out of the house, I want to wear jeans. I don't want to stay in the house one more day, I want to hop in a car with one of my friends, roll the windows down, and turn the music up. I want to pull my hair into a ponytail and go for a good long run. I start to lose sight, how did I ever find joy in this life? 

When I can't dump out one more bucket of dirty water, when I can't take one more step, when I can't find joy one more moment, when I can't choose thankfulness, when I can't love one more single person, He does. 

I have no good in me. I am full of selfishness, of ungratefulness, of self-pity, and of filth. But when I ask for His love, for His joy -- He gives freely. 


What joy - knowing He gives, He loves (more than I ever could) - this brings me! The least I can do is see with these eyes He's given, the least I can do is pick up my cross daily, and follow, the least I can do is fall more in love with Him. 

7 comments:

  1. I believe we all feel like that at times, some more than others. but what makes me feel better is just looking around me and seeing so much life. so much of God! just breathing in and out and feeling that life. I smile, thank God for the opportunities he gave to get me where I am, where you are, and for everything good in this life, thank God for another day to LIVE. best of wishes! and God Bless

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  2. Love your honesty. Love your integrity (oneness). Love how you always bring everything, including yourself, back to Jesus.

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  3. I know you feel like you can't do it--and you can't, not without Him.

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  4. This is beautiful, Kendra. "The least (we) can do is fall more in love with Him." Absolutely true. <3

    Taylor

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  5. What a beautiful post Kendra!!!!! You are soo inspiring to me!!!

    Love,
    Manda
    http://meandjesus-amanda.blogspot.com

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  6. Wow, you are a wonderful follower of Christ! You don't know me but your dad sends me his Kiz Family emails and he put a link to your blog. God is awesome and it is great news to see you follow in obedience to Him. Keep persevering and walking in step with the Holy Spirit!

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thanks for sharing your thoughts -- comments make my day!