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Tuesday, May 7, 2013

change



all of a sudden, things are different. I know things are always changing and we're always growing and doing new things. but the past few months we seem to have gotten a lot of change. is it just me?

now things sneak up on me so fast. a week just simply flies by, when it used to take forevveerr to get to the weekend. my little brother turned twelve and the littlest one is turning four in two days. how did that happen?

it's funny how growing up is. I seem to be doing a lot of it lately. it's pretty hard to believe I leave the country in less than twenty-five days. what have I gotten myself into? or really, if I'm going to blame anybody, it should be God, since He was the one who planned it all. maybe blame isn't the right word.

I guess I just really don't know what to expect in Chad, Africa. I mean I know there's no running water or electricity and I know the people are really poor and they need Jesus, but I just don't know how I'm going to cope with that. things here are so significantly different than they are there. and I just don't know how I'm going to deal with that.

a friend asked me the other day, or maybe it was a conversation to myself in my head (ever have those?) how I was going to do it. just leave my family, leave my friends I've finally started to really get to close to, to leave this green beautiful land of Kentucky and say hey to dusty hot Chad. my answer was I probably wasn't just going to be strong and hold my head high and believe in myself. because sometimes, that's just too hard.

we all need something higher, something bigger than our weak minds and bodies to put trust in. I'm really really really gonna need Jesus the next few months. He's all I'll have, to be honest. it's not like He's not all I have now. but...it's different. when you're hot and you're sweating and feel disgusting and annoyed and you can't look up a song on youtube and eat a bowl of ice cream and you can't watch a movie on netflix and you can't stay up late talking to mom about it, you have to run to Jesus.

it's strange how it is, because part of me wants to drag my feet and stay here where things are good for the most part and it's not all new. then part of me wants to go somewhere new. part of me doesn't want the suffering and the pain and missing people you love. part of me does because I know I'll get closer to my Jesus. and to me, honestly, that's all that matters.

anyway. I just wanted to say growing up is a very interesting thing to go through and that things are changing a little too fast for my brain and it's weird.

but hey, bring it on.

ps: uhmm...this was meant to be a little short and sweet post. fail.
pps: ohmygoodness I almost used all lowercase letters!










5 comments:

  1. I just found your blog and I love it! Your photos are so precious:)

    ~Emily Rose

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  2. Beautiful post Kendra! I'm praying for you, and I can't wait to hear about Chad!

    It took me a minute to realize who the girls were in the pictures and ohmygoodness those girlies are getting big, I can't believe it's been so long since I've seen them!

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  3. yes yes and yes. (you said you wrote about change so I came to check it out, hehe.) but it's funny, because change isn't always really necessarily pleasant until we see it in hindsight and realize how good it was for us. and in that line of thought, I'm so SO excited for you to be going to Chad...I'm sure God is going to teach you things and stretch you in ways you can't even imagine, and you'll come back a different person, in a good way. praying for you!

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  4. Ahhh...Kendra!! I know exactly how you feel. well. Not exactly since I'm not going to Africa -- but just with the amazing stuff that you've been dreaming and it actually happens. And all the excitement gives way to fear and nerves -- but you never really thought your dreams would be true. But I honestly think - despite the fear and the discomfort - that you will have an amazing time...and it will be so special. God is so amazing to give you this awesome opportunity -- and I'm SOOOOO excited (and jealous) for you!

    Praying for you constantly -- bring your camera when you go...and stuff my in your suitcase and bring me along, 'k?

    Also -- how long are you staying again?

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  5. These photos are so gorgeous, beautiful and precious...love the rawness and simpleness of it all! :)

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