Friday, March 29, 2013


Sadly, writing about all the things you have to do doesn't make them go away, but perhaps it helps. My life has changed a lot in the past year, especially in the past six months.

A year ago I lived on a farm with over twenty horses, four cows, seven cats, eighty chickens and lots and lots of chicken poop. My life consisted of chores, school, going on runs, exploring the creek, church, and more chores. Going to the grocery store was a treat, I read at least three books a week, and I counted down the days to when a friend would drive all the way out to us and get to hang out.

Now it's hard to remember the last day I didn't babysit, I'm so busy I forget I'm having this friend over, and I lug schoolbooks around everywhere I go. I barely have time to run, and besides, when I get home from babysitting eight hours the last thing I want to do is go run - oh and that phone call I need to make to the bank is keeping me from running anyway.

But the good thing is, it's not a bad busy. I love every single kid I get to play with everyday. Maybe I don't love changing diapers, holding sobbing kids, doing the dishes, or chasing the kids around the house for thirty minutes, but in all, it's good. It's the moments when I tuck them into bed, when we tell each other stories, when I'm tickling them, when we're dancing to music, or moments like the video below that make up for it.

(KK, I luuvee you!)

Still, I need a  little break from it all. And I miss being with my family. While building a tent fort with a boy I'm babysitting is fun, doing the same thing with my little brothers is something I don't really get to do. My little brothers and sisters aren't so little anymore. Nehemiah will be turning four next month,  Petra is reading, and Anna has a job working at a horse ranch. What happened? I'm planning on saying no to most babysitting jobs in May, about a month before I go to Africa, so I can spend time with my family and just slow down a little bit. Besides, I think I'll have more than enough money by the end of April for my trip. 

But for now -- guess what? I'm going a little trip somewhere down south for a week. You'll have to wait to know the details. I will give you one hint though: I don't think I've ever been more excited in my whole life!

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

when I have a house of my own

When I have a house of my own, I'll have yellow curtains. I'll have a big open kitchen that will most always be a little messy, just because we'll always be creating one thing or the other. We'll have tea every morning and eat lots of veggies and fruits and make our own bread. We won't a dishwasher (they gross me out) and my husband will always do the dishes.

There will be an attic where the kids sleep. My kids will have bunk beds and we'll have pillow fights. There'll be windows, and possibly a secret room or closet in that attic. It'll be lined with bookshelves and filled with unique nooks and crannies. Speaking of bookshelves, there will be lots of books in my house. Too many to count. There will be homemade stories, that me and my family have made, too.

There will be maps hanging on the walls, along with pictures. Not perfect indoor studio pictures, but real pictures with genuine laughs that really do hold memories.

 In my house there will almost always be music playing, we'll have dance parties and fall asleep listening to classical music. There will be instruments, maybe not in the best condition, but well used and worn. In my house we won't hardly ever watch tv but we'll have movie nights and build forts and eat peppered popcorn.

There will be a room filled with art supplies and we'll paint and sketch on the walls. It'll be called the creative room.

We'll live not too far in the country but just enough to where we have lots of trees to climb and a creek to play in. We might have a golden retriever, maybe sometimes have random pets, but animals stay outside - not in the house. (no cats, please.) We'll have ATVs that might break down sometimes, but we'll always fix them ourselves. My kids will ride bikes and me and my husband will run together.

We'll have kids with very difference faces and skin colors, adopted into our family. We'll go for hikes and take off on road trips and explore places. We'll play baseball and soccer and kickball and frisbee.

Sometimes at night we'll stay up late but mostly we'll get up early and have time to talk to Jesus. Jesus will be in my house and things might be messy sometimes, but He takes messes and makes them beautiful.

Friday, March 22, 2013

how to fall out of like (in three easy steps)

So. You have that person that you like. You don't really know how it started, or what's going on, but whenever they walk by your stomach flip-flops, your palms start to sweat, and you can't ever think of anything to say.

You start to think about them a little bit more. They consume a teeny bit more of your brain. And they aren't even doing anything.

 Then you decide liking that someone is taking up too much of your time. Besides, every time you're around them you start to feel weak and dizzy. You don't need that. And you especially don't need your mind to be consumed with thinking about them. It's inconvenient. So you tell yourself to stop liking them.

You try. You think about this person countless times a day, so you push those thoughts out of your head. Your heart still jumps when you see that person. But you keep trying. And trying. And trying.

It doesn't work. You cannot stop those feelings. Trust me, I've tried.

I think it's more of what you do with the feelings that really matters. Don't be consumed with the thoughts of someone else. Because honestly, is it really worth every bit of your thoughts, maybe even a few pieces of your heart?

Cling to Jesus. Realize what He's done. He's loved me far more than any guy ever world. And yet I still run from Him. Go figure. You cannot rely on feelings. Sure, you can't stop them, but are feelings love? Did Jesus feel warm and fluttery inside when He took the blows and nails for us? I don't think He feels like loving me when I turn and run from Him. Still, He loves me anyway. That's what love is. Not a feeling, not a crush, and love isn't easy. It's really really hard. But I think it's worth it. After all, if we don't have love, what do we have?

Oh, this post was meant for young people like myself so everybody else....uh, hey.

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

starting over

Hey all. It's me, and I'm back, for good. I promise. 

I have some pretty exciting news for you all, but first let me say I'm back to blogging. I've slowly let my efforts I put into this blog fade away but now I'm going to post at least a few times a week. I've also promised myself not to read a blog post unless I'm going to comment on it. Everybody needs a word of encouragement sometimes. 

So - the big news, right?! 

Well, I'm not sure how much I'm allowed to tell, but I can tell you this much: I'm going back to Africa. This time, I'm not going with my family, but with another missionary family we're friends with and lived with in Sudan. I'm not sure if I can tell which country I'm going to yet, but the town we're going to is unreached and lives in extreme poverty. There's no electricity, no running water. It'll be an adventure. 

I had told myself I wouldn't go any longer than one month (I mean heck, it's practically in the desert, and I'd miss my family and friends), and I had it pretty much planned out my way. But my ways aren't God's, right? I felt like I was saying no His plans and making them my way, so I told God I would consider going longer if that's what He wanted. Since then the idea of going six months has been stuck in my head, and so that's how long we bought the tickets for. I'm not sure if I can make it that long, since I've never been away from my family for more than one week. So if I feel like God wants me to go back earlier, I will. It's all His plan, not mine. I'm just going. 

I don't know much about the people in the town we're going to, but I know they speak Arabic and don't have the gospel in their own tongue. We're just going to go and live among them, sharing our lives and learning their stories. I don't think I could ask for a better way to spend the next six months. Though my flesh is screaming at me to stay in the States, I know this is right. I'll be leaving, if God wills, May 30th and coming back sometime in early December. I never thought I'd be going back overseas this soon by myself, but I'm ready as I'll ever be. It all still seems like a dream. 

Oh and yes - I will most probably still blog when I'm in Africa, we're going to set up electricity through solar panels and we should be able to get dial-up internet, even if it's slow. 

It makes sense that I'm working all the time now, right? I'm earning money for the trip, and I'm studying about the country and trying to finish up some books before I leave. I have the best excuses. 

For now, I'm trying to enjoy the cold weather here before I head over to smoldering Africa. Happy spring! 

ps: I think Anna thinks that if she wears spring clothes that spring will come sooner. let's hope it works.

Friday, March 1, 2013


So yes, I'm taking a break. Isn't it kind of obvious I've already done so without telling?

Things are pretty crazy right now. It's a good crazy, but I'm super duper busy. I'm working (babysitting) all the time, trying to study and juggling all that is a lot. Plus I have some big big news coming up! Y'all will have to wait for that, though.

I really need to rethink the purpose of this blog, instead of just randomly posting twice a month. So I'll be back - not sure when, but I promise I will, and when I do things will be looking better here at magnificent obsession.

And now, I'm off to babysit - thanks everybody for stickin' around!