Tuesday, November 27, 2012

in the middle of my little mess

Sometimes I feel like screaming and stomping and throwing things across the room. But that doesn't work if you have a sore throat. And of course, it never goes well if you're the oldest of eight kids.

Today my mom was sick. I was left in charge. My sister got into my stuff, as always. It was raining. I'm wayyy behind on my novel. I haven't even started on my essay for co-op and my homework for advanced speaking. It's due tomorrow. Another stack of school lies on my bookshelf -- untouched. I have three photography shoots to edit and have ready by Sunday. I can't remember the last time I went for a run. Or picked up my guitar. I haven't done anything creative with my camera. I have to have surgery on my lip next Tuesday. Studying for a driver's permit looks like a lot of work and let's not mention that driving itself seems a little scary. And to top if off, I feel sick too now.

I'm such a strange person. Most of the time I'm giddy and filled with joy. Then every once and awhile I'll have a day where things seem to all pile up and the pile gets bigger and bigger. I end of exploding in anger or walking around the house with a blank look on my face. Lifeless. Unaware of what Christ has done for me -- or I should say, I'm aware but not willing to meditate on his love.

Reminds me of a song by Steven Curtis Chapman, called see the glory. I just need to smack myself on the head and tell myself, "hey, you're gonna mess up -- but it's ok. because somebody has already forgiven you for all that." And I need to pick up my cross, put a smile on, and realize how totally awesome my God is.

-- kendra

ps: i'm going to go to the coffee shop with my purple mac and notebook crammed with ideas in my scrawly handwriting. even if i don't like coffee. it smells good. and coffee shops are cool.


  1. girly. you just described my life. we have three little boys in our home (it is kinda through the Foster Care system) plus my two other siblings, and I am the oldest. My mom and dad are super busy so I take care of almost all the cooking, cleaning, laundry and household type things. and there so many times I just want to break things and scream. anyways, thanks so much for the encouragement.. and have fun at the coffee shop. Coffee shops are some of the best. serious. :)

  2. First of all, I'm going to meet you someday and make you a coffee fan. :)

    Second of all, my sis and our college friend had this really geeky talk the other night - and you reminded me of it. Something like we have a "bucket" and the small things start filling it up until we finally explode. Stress is normal. It's just how you handle it that counts.

    And you know the small irks that totally ruin your day? There's also small things that totally make your day. Like "Your Hands || JJ Heller". I've been walking around singing it all week. Because it's so awesome. :D

  3. Its definitely the small things that make me mad. And then you gotta stop yourself and be like, 'Seriously, none of that really matters." Ya know??

    And how come you're having a lip surgery?


  4. I hear ya, sister. And purple mac-scrawly notebook-pretending you like coffee, or are a college student, or an artist, or have some valid reason to be in a coffee shop- totally :)

    Praying for you!

  5. Praying that you'll get these things done in time, sweetie! Sounds like you've got your hands full.

    "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not to your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall make your paths straight."~ Proverbs 3:5-6

    Take care! :)


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