Wednesday, October 31, 2012

blessings in disguise {guest post by Bethany}

My baby sister was dying. I was seated in the rocking chair, finishing a crocheted blanket I would give to my mother once blessing #9 was born. Now, it was inevitable that she was dead. My older sister and I promised not to worry the younger siblings as mom climbed the car for a "normal" visit to the doctor. I nearly rocked the chair backward from anxious worries, dreading the gravel crunch of the driveway announcing the return of my parents. 

This could not be happening. Other mothers have miscarriages - but not my mother. Other families lose a baby - but not our family. I refused to eat. My hands were trembling as I tried to concentrate on the monotonous task of my handiwork. My brother walked in, and innocently commented about my strange behavior. I don't remember what he said. But I must've managed to make up some excuse before I dropped the yarn and hook and fled to the safety of the "attic" where I collapsed on a window seat and begged God for my unborn baby sister's life. I had prayed before - but never as sincere, never so desperate, and never so broken. 

The car pulled up. She was dead. I knew she was dead. The tears were ready to spill. Yet just as quickly as Daddy pulled up, he backed out driving back to work. Mom walked up the porch steps nonchalantly, sipping soda from what looked like a Hardees lunch stop. My mom hardly ever eats fast food. I opened the door, practically ran her over and asked - "Is she okay?"

Mom smiled. I think I could have died from relief. Caroline had her third birthday last month. She's very much alive. 

From that scary day a few years back, God opened my heart. Despite growing up in a Christian family for most of my life, God's love was something foreign to me. God's compassion was something I couldn't grasp. As I began to grow older and became more interested in things other than Littlest Pets and the newest American Girl magazine, I began to run to God. The world was big. The world was bad. Sin was overwhelming - especially in my "good Christian girl" life! I have so many "God stories," so many heartaches that were a bitter blessing in disguise. 

God blesses me so much - His love is bluntly - - awesome. It is so very easy to see the physical blessings, but I often forget that the very things I fear are the very blessings from God. Each new "blessing in disguise" pushes me forward to glimpse yet again the majesty and the mystery of God. 

So thank God for those trials too - because all things work together for good. 


Bethany in a nutshell:
Although I occasionally grace the internet with my spontaneous presence, my real life is lived in the fields of Wisconsin. I'm a used to be military-kid, proud-Marine-family-member and Hillsdale-college-sister. I love Jesus - and I primarily blog about my life as a Christian young lady. However, you may find me stuck in a book, pounding the piano, or doing some sort of graphic design on the computer. {Grace of My Redeemer . blogspot . com}

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