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Tuesday, October 18, 2011

how He loves us

                                                               (entering photo here)

The other night I was lying in bed, it was late and I couldn't sleep. I looked out at the window and the full moon. I thought, reflected on my life. What is the my purpose for life? Why am I here? I still couldn't sleep, so I grabbed my mp3 player, and turned the song Times. Figuring it would lull me to sleep, I closed my eyes.


A few minutes later I had tears streaming down my face. I rarely ever cry, but the words in the song were just perfect for how I was feeling. I've been asking God to fill me up with his power, wondering why he wasn't listening to me, I've been almost angry at God because he wasn't responding when I wanted. Does he have to listen to me?


"Kendra," God seemed to be saying, "I'm already here. I've already done so much for you."


I shouldn't be complaining or feeling sorry for myself because I don't "feel" God. God is powerful. I'm not the center of the world. The world doesn't revolve around me.


I need to step back and realize how much God has done for me. He made me. Yet I sinned against him. I rebelled against him. He could've left me then. He could've wiped me out with one swift blow. I deserved it. Yet he gave me a second chance. He sent his son, his one and only son to die in my place. I excepted that gift, yet I still am nothing like Christ. 


It's all so . . . confusing. I'm still trying to take it all in. 


I mean, how? How could God, the maker of the heavens, the holy one, care about me? I'm a horrible sinner. Even if I act nice around my family, sometimes I'm mad and upset at them inside. 


As I sat looking out the window the other night, listening to the song, soaking in the words, I was whispering, "How? How could you care about me? How could you, Lord? How?


How? Why? Why would God die in my place? Why would he want to even have a relationship with me? 


Why would be want to be my friend, my heavenly father? 


Why? 


Because you love me, Lord. Why do you love me? I'm not sure. I certainly don't love you half as much. 


I certainly take it for granted. I certainly don't deserve it. 


And I certainly won't understand how or why you did it for me, Jesus, my best friend. 




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9 comments:

  1. Wow! I've been thinking the SAME the!! Weird...
    Still don't know the answer.

    Anna

    godstomboy@blogspot.com

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  2. That was beautiful.

    I think God's love and mercy is the greatest mystery which can never be uncovered. The most amazing part is that He is searching for us, trying to grab our hand and pull us into the right direction. Sometimes it takes the worst heartaches and trials to get us back on track. But it's worth it.

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  3. Wow. This was an awesome post. I've never really thought about that much, and its amazing.

    I'm going to go look up Times. I should just listen to all the T.A.N. songs so I'll have heard every one you tell me to listen to.

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  4. its amazing how the Maker of the universe would love us so much to die in our place, I mean.

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  5. loved the photo, loved the post :))
    -jocee <3

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  6. lovely post, and the photos were gorgeous!
    <3
    http://katies-favorite-things.blogspot.com

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  7. Your pictures are just lovely!! Love all the sun flares and warm tones!

    Tamar - also linked with Kate

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thanks for sharing your thoughts -- comments make my day!