it’s been a little while over here. this will also be the last post on ismikendra or imagine or magnificent obsession or whatever other names this blog undertook that i forgot. you know, me and my indecisiveness and constant reaching for change.
that’s what life has been, lately: change. a whole bucket load of it. honestly, my whole life feels like persistent change. i guess i could sulk about it — but it’s also a beautiful, wonderful thing to have the privilege of experiencing a lot of life in 19 years. i either feel like a scared three year old or i feel like i’ve lived so much, moved so much, met so many diverse people, that i should be 30.
sometimes i feel like in this whole striving to be someone, or to make art, or to gain purpose that i sort of lost who i am. maybe it’s the fact that i have to think about business taxes or the over 6 thousand images i need to sort through that people are waiting to receive from me. i’ve spent a lot of time stressing over calls; a lot of late nights editing. i don’t want to let the joy of photography fall through my fingertips.
i think sometimes i forget to be free-spirited. maybe i got more of a bitter taste of the world and grew up a bit, but i don’t want to have the world hanging over my shoulders all the time. i’m constantly trying to take the weight of it on myself. i don’t know why i do that — why it’s always my fault; my job to fix everything. i know it’s not, but the temptation to believe so always hangs over me like a threatening thundercloud.
maybe i’ve forgotten to trust or maybe i just need to trust the Lord some more. he has taken such good care of me; there is comfort found in his embrace and yet i still chase after the wind. i chase after my dreams, my plans, and forget to wildly and recklessly chase after him. i mean i GET to chase the creator of this broken but still beautiful earth. we’ve made a hell of a mess down here but he promises to make beauty from it.
i guess that’s all i’ll post over here and i will try and not just post weddings over on my new blog. i promise. chicago pics are coming soon over there.
(one last time — cause I’m known as kendra lynne everywhere else now)