Thursday, July 28, 2016

once more

it’s been a little while over here. this will also be the last post on ismikendra or imagine or magnificent obsession or whatever other names this blog undertook that i forgot. you know, me and my indecisiveness and constant reaching for change. 

that’s what life has been, lately: change. a whole bucket load of it. honestly, my whole life feels like persistent change. i guess i could sulk about it — but it’s also a beautiful, wonderful thing to have the privilege of experiencing a lot of life in 19 years. i either feel like a scared three year old or i feel like i’ve lived so much, moved so much, met so many diverse people, that i should be 30. 

sometimes i feel like in this whole striving to be someone, or to make art, or to gain purpose that i sort of lost who i am. maybe it’s the fact that i have to think about business taxes or the over 6 thousand images i need to sort through that people are waiting to receive from me. i’ve spent a lot of time stressing over calls; a lot of late nights editing. i don’t want to let the joy of photography fall through my fingertips.

i think sometimes i forget to be free-spirited. maybe i got more of a bitter taste of the world and grew up a bit, but i don’t want to have the world hanging over my shoulders all the time. i’m constantly trying to take the weight of it on myself. i don’t know why i do that — why it’s always my fault; my job to fix everything. i know it’s not, but the temptation to believe so always hangs over me like a threatening thundercloud. 

maybe i’ve forgotten to trust or maybe i just need to trust the Lord some more. he has taken such good care of me; there is comfort found in his embrace and yet i still chase after the wind. i chase after my dreams, my plans, and forget to wildly and recklessly chase after him. i mean i GET to chase the creator of this broken but still beautiful earth. we’ve made a hell of a mess down here but he promises to make beauty from it. 

i guess that’s all i’ll post over here and i will try and not just post weddings over on my new blog. i promise. chicago pics are coming soon over there. 



(one last time — cause I’m known as kendra lynne everywhere else now) 

Monday, April 11, 2016

when you're tired of loving

If you haven't noticed, I've been kinda stuck on the word love lately. what it means, what it does and how on earth to do it.

I do know one thing: I get tired of loving. Tired of loving the picky client, tired of loving the people who used to love me back and tired of loving with no boundaries. Sometimes love is doing something big and bold like saving someone's life and sometimes it's just sending a text to a girl from church who you know had a rough day.

I do know another thing: I am a wreck. On my own, I'm probably one of the most unloving people you've ever met. I think things I shouldn't and then I say those things without thinking. I can be mean and sometimes I wish I could catch all my harsh words and shove them back into my mouth. But I can't.

The last thing I know: I really, really need Jesus. Some of you people probably think I'm a nice person and all. The secret is, I wouldn't be who I am without the Lord. I have this never ending goal of being to love people recklessly and endlessly. And I have to ask Jesus to help me fulfill that goal every single day.  When I don't . . . well, I fail and things get messy.

All I can do from here is look up and ask for help (fyi I am that kinda person who despises asking for help so that's hard too). Without Jesus's help I get nowhere. But with his help, I have the ability to practice real love. Real love that forgives; real love that puts up with the little annoyances of life; real love that never ends.

"To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you." -- C.S. Lewis 

Tuesday, March 29, 2016

my first love

photos from North Carolina trip in December

oh you 
more satisfying than them all
always with me and for who i am 
you will dwell in my heart forever
forever broken for you and for your people
with you i am free; with you i laugh 
with you i can be just who i am 
i am recklessly in love with all you are
the way you mold stories together
how you placed the mountains as they touch your skies 
all of it leaves me breathless from beauty 
you love earnestly and eternally, with real love
real love that accepts but challenges
real love that forgives and forgets
oh my love, could i just sit here with you 
letting you fill this battered heart 
you are merciful and true 
oh my love, just a taste of you fills me
for in you i can trust 
all the others will come and go 
pieces of my heart shattered, but you go and make it into new 
mend it into something more beautiful 
your love lets me learn to love more 
oh you, my forever love