Monday, July 28, 2014

fireworks and stars




This 4th of July I didn't go to the firework show downtown or have a party with a ton of friends. Instead I hung out with a best friend all day and by the time we had eaten dinner, we were exhausted from exploring and biking. I went home, but I didn't feel that tired anymore.

I drove to an abandoned cornfield behind our house and parked the car. I had my camera with me (surprise surprise) and I climbed on the roof of my car to watch the fireworks. I hadn't felt so alive and full in a long time.

I couldn't see the fireworks very well, but I could see the stars. I thought about the stars, how no one really gets together to see them or throws a party because of them. But they're always there and they always shine.

Fireworks are filled with sparks of color and your ears fill with the shrieking sound of them when they are set off. They're thrilling, wonderful and make you tingle with excitement. And then they're gone. The stars stay.

I used to think I was crazy for doing things like comparing stars and fireworks. (My friends probably think I'm crazy, too.) Maybe I am.

But you know what? I'm realizing it's okay to be who you are. It's not just okay, but it's good -- so embrace it. I'm learning, slowly but surely, to embrace me. To embrace the fact that I would rather sit on the top of my car and watch the sky alone than go to a pool party with friends.

It's okay, guys. Just be who you were made to be.

Monday, July 21, 2014

four things



Maybe I just stop apologizing for not posting more and accept the fact that I'm not good at consistently posting.

Life is chaotic sometimes, in a good way.

Here's four things that have made these past weeks full.

01. Work 

I almost don't wanna call it work, because I like it so much. Don't get me wrong, my first "real" job has been challenging. It's also made me overflow with gratitude and made me realized how blessed I am to be a barista at a place like Harvest. My coworkers are the best and the customers are great (for the most part -- there's a few nutty characters out there).

I'm not naturally outgoing. Some days I think, "If someone asks where the bathroom is one more time, I'm gonna scream." Some days I just give people my most convincing smile when what I really wanna do is go for a long hike in the woods all by myself. It's exhausting. But a good exhausting -- if that makes any sense.

02. Miscellaneous Things

This includes driving to the recycling center or editing a 20 min. vid for my dad's ministry. I think it's this stuff that takes up the most time. It's all so random that I normally don't remember it.

There's also a surprise miscellaneous thing that I'll reveal soon here. Keep your eyes peeled.

03. Studying

I can't say I've done as much of this as I wanted to. Of course, I never can seem to do as much as I want to. I'm mostly working on this US History course that's taking me two years to finish.

04. Having "Chill Time" 

This is normally me recovering from all of the above. I end up lying in my bed with headphones and my computer. I feel like I waste way more time online than I used to. I'm changing that. Goodbye, Netflix. (Yeah, I even deleted my free trial yesterday.)

I'm so tired from everything else that when I come home I want to do absolutely nothing. It's pitiful. I think all my creativity decided to bud wings and fly away forever. Sometimes you have to force yourself to be creative and then the inspiration comes. That's what I think.

Now here's some random pics from work.


Not to brag or anything (ha yeah right) but I can make a pretty good vanilla iced latte.


Some unique buildings across the street.


Our little sign. We use a lot of chalk.


Told you we used a lot of chalk.


I'm not sure if customers think I'm creative, have terrible handwriting, or desperate for tips.


I get to play all the coffee shop music I want. Life is good.

Wednesday, July 9, 2014

embrace you

I'm won't lie;  I'm hard on myself. Sometimes I'm really hard on myself. I have very, very high expectations for myself and I don't always meet those high expectations. I usually end up working even harder after I fail those high expectations or I give up altogether. It's a bit sad, actually.

I also like to think. I think so much that sometimes I don't even like thinking anymore. I think about what would've happened if I had done this or been this or hadn't have done that. I think about why this was made this way or what would happened if it changed or disappeared absolutely. Or I simply blame myself for why this happened that way and if I had done something different it could've been better. (Sound confusing? Try being inside my head for a day.) I told you I was hard on myself.

I used to try and fight it. I would tell myself that overthinking is bad and I always try to complicate things when really they're simple. That would only leave me in more of a daze. It wouldn't leave me being any easier to myself.

Truth be told, it makes my heart sad to see us humans beating up our own personalities. Why would we hurt ourselves? It's selfish. It's wrong. It's cruel. And it's not fair to us, but especially not fair to the people around us. All we're doing is thinking of ourselves and how we wish we were better. All we think about is me, me, me.

I think I need to stop thinking of myself. That doesn't mean I stop thinking. We need thinkers in this world. Maybe there are more people who think like me, maybe there aren't.

Maybe we just need to forget about ourselves for a little while and start thinking about how to love other people. Maybe then we'll find that we've embraced ourselves.

Embrace life, embrace you. It's ok to fail, but stop being harsh to you and, ultimately, other people. Just keep going and embrace.








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